Under age marriage: A crisis or a call for education

A young girl and a young boy liked each other without realizing that they would be on public display, humiliated and characterized as mentally imbalanced, not by strangers with malicious purpose, rather by their own parents and elders. This is a sad story, to say the least. While reading through the original story, a sensational one, and the comments on this, I separated some key statements in order to understand the issue whether it is a substantive one or a mere display of emotions in futility. Below are the excerpts from the comments on the story.

A ‘social calamity that shakes the foundation of our society,’ ‘the shocking news,’ ‘a shameful attitude by the police constables,’ ‘a height of irresponsibility,’ ‘How dare… the girl to refuse to go back to her parents/home,’ ‘Very shocking,’ ‘the biggest problem faced by the whole chitral community,’ ‘It is the right of everyone to write their opinion… but they don’t have right to target personalities,’ ‘we cannot expect so many people going insane at the same time,’ ‘mentioning unrelated individuals by name and even stating their professions and institutions is an irresponsible act,’ ‘the girl and boy and their parents must be punished harshly,’ ‘this uncultured and immoral acts,’ ‘Second factor …is the western media war and cultural imperialistic designs,’ ‘this unethical, illogical and criminal activity,’ ‘If this could happened to… today… happen to anybody tomorrow,’ … mentally deranged son of … the woman who master minded and arranged elopement.’

If these excerpts were read alone, one would certainly think that a great human tragedy has occurred, either through a natural or a man made disaster. A relatively small youth issue is amplified unjustifiably and complicated so much that it has generated, as the comments indicate, waves of misunderstandings and deterioration of relationships between individuals, families, clans and government and civil society institutions. It seems to have served no one. Arrows are released on one commentator who felt uneasy with this level of exaggeration of the issue debating it on the electronic media. What is more disturbing is to read the statements of sympathy with the two kids, first subjecting them to humiliation and then having pity on them. It doesn’t make sense. It is like throwing a baby first into the dirty sludge and then pulling it out and wiping its face.

There is nothing criminal in this case as the original story and several comments claim. It is a matter which is a matter within the preview of family law. Even though the competent judge has made a decision in this case in the interest of the kids, but the law is applied only when such cases are brought to the court. Declaring the marriage null and void is not enough because it satisfies only one aspect of the law that is the minimum age requirement for marriage. Equally, perhaps, more important is protection of these two kids from physical, verbal and emotional abuse by their parents, siblings, relatives, village dwellers and others. Mistreatment of these kids in any form can result in mental imbalance and some extreme acts of self destruction. Who will be held responsible for such consequences? Parents or practitioner of family law, or may be both.

Age limit is not the only one issue that the family law deals with. There are many other issues related to marriage which are equally important. Much marriage related issues are embedded in cultural norms which are not desirable in the present time. Mishandling and sensationalizing them on the media will not transform them. What would transform them are thoughtful discussions through various forums and meaningful education. Instead of picking on one issue and making news of it, the best way, in my view, would be to identify the issues as comprehensively as possible and finding solutions through various non legal means. This can be done by working with civil society institutions rather than condemning them and their leadership. After all under age marriage is not a new phenomenon in Chitral; it has been there in all traditional societies.

Whether you call it criminal or a cultural practice, getting under age kids married always existed in the Chitrali society. I can point out several couples of my own age who got married when they were under age, some may be parents or uncles and aunts of those who are emotionally condemning the two kids. There were also cases that two friends promising each other to get their yet unborn babies married if they happened to be of different genders. There were many more cases in which bride would be so young that groom’s father would carry her on his back from her father’s village. The reason to mention this is not to justify the practice of marrying under age kids, but to trace the root of the issue. What is different, however, is that in the past parents would get their young boys and girls married and now kids themselves are deciding to get married. How can this trend be discouraged? Can it be done by taking them to court? What about those cases which are not reported or done with the consent of both families? Threat of legal action, physical or emotional punishment or subjecting kids to humiliating debate on the electronic media will be doomed to failure. Young kids need education with love and affection to understand the consequences of their decisions. If parents, leaders and educators treat them as criminals and act as judges, ombudsmen and law enforcement personnel, the result would be either revolt or self destructive behaviour on the part of youths.

A long term and the only logical solution to the issue is education in marital responsibilities. It is high time to consider a curriculum on marriage and marital responsibilities at the school level. This will also include an articulation of family values such as love and respect for one another in the family as parents, brothers and sisters, wife and husband. Caring family environment is critical for a child to build trust in their parents and to express her feelings as they develop in her world of naivety and fantasy without fear. A family focused curriculum will go a long way to reverse the trend of increasing elopement and under age marriage. -- Dr. Mir Baiz Khan, Toronto, Canada, 17 Nov 2011.

Child Marriages

According to the UN convention on the Rights of the Child, which Pakistan signed in 1990, early marriage refers to marriage of people less than 18 years old. Article 16 of the UN Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW), to which Pakistan has been signatory since 1996, mentions protection from child marriage.
Despite the existence of international covenants, as well as Pakistan’s Muslim Family Law, and child Marriage Restraint Act 1929, child marriage is rampant as these laws remain confined to statute books. According to estimates, 30 percent of all marriages in Pakistan fall into the category of child marriage. The rural areas of Pakistan, surpass the urban areas where more than one third of marriages fall in the category of child marriages.
Ironically, the feudal lords, who occupy the corridors of powers, have enormous influence on the population in their respective areas. By attempting to block women friendly legislation they ensure the perpetuation of the status quo and subjugation of women. And if, due to strong lobbying by civil society organizations, some moderate legislators make headway in pushing the legislation and pass the law, they attempt to kill it at the implementing machinery works directly or indirectly under their influence.
The colossal negative impact of child marriage includes psychologically handicapped couples, tense family relations, broken families, uneven personal development of couples, particularly girls, pressure on limited resources, matchless marriages and a colossal increase in population. Those ensconced at the helm of affairs don’t know the agony of those girls who are given in marriage to men who are of the age of their fathers and grandfathers.
To curb the curse of child marriage all pillars of the state and society must act collectively. The government should use all its resources to root out this menace. Women friendly legislation and the establishment of women crisis cells are good steps but the real issue is implementation.-- Syed Nasiruddin Pirzada, Booni Chitral 17 Nov 2011.

Comment 1

It is unfortunate that our so called scholars and preachers have not been able to create correct legal mind set among their folks. Instead of advising us to educate the people Dr. Mirbaiz khan should look into himself as to what he has done during the past three to four decades as scholar and preacher working in Chitral. It is a measure of our intellectual poverty that an educated man like him does not consider under age marriage without consent of the guardian is not a criminal activity in his eyes. The law prescribes at least ten years imprisonment and fine for this crime. In case it is consummated it is liable for capital punishment.

As father of the minor girl Naila and mukhi of the jamat I am convinced that leaders like doc. Mir Baiz Khan are responsible for these crimes and it is they who need to be punished. The law may be emended to bring to such people into the ambit of law. How on earth can he justify marriage of an innocent , mentally special free bird and underage girl with an equally innocent underage boy without consent of the parents. Naila was my only daughter and I had dreamt dreams for her marriage and somebody snatches that dream from me. How Mir. Baiz Khan would feel when it happens to him. Don’t find shelter behind the un-islamic customs when unborn children were married as mir baiz khan says or they were buried alive during the jahilia time. Does mir baiz want us to go to those days ?

 Here in garam chashma we see it as preplanned conspiracy to defame a family which has done so much for the betterment of the area and its people. As a son of a man who remained mukhi for 45 years during the harshest of times Its my conviction that my spiritual leader would never subscribe to this criminal activity no matter what the circumstances are . This makes me an ismaili otherwise scholars like Mir Baiz Khan would have driven me out of it. By publicizing my own pain I am not asking for sympathy. I am capable enough to bring the culprits to justice my only intention is to create awareness and prevent such incidents in the future so that no other parent has to go through the agony that I am going through. Like the prophets prayers in taif I would also pray to Allah to have mercy on people who do not know what they are saying or doing.-- Ghulam Muhammad, Garam Chashma, 18 Nov 2011.

Comment 2

I read Ghulam Muhammad's reaction to my comments with sadness, sadness because the event has affected his family and him personally badly. Since you have introduced yourself, I must mention that I knew you only when you were a school going student, but certainly knew your father very well who was a long serving dedicated and respected volunteer in the community. I am glad you are continuing his tradition of service in the family. Truly, voluntary service is a backbone of the community’s strength. You have also raised question about my role which I thought was irrelevant to the issue and it will be childish on my part to discuss my performance report on the media. I have done what I could and it is up to the people to have their opinions, as you have, about my conduct and contribution, be it in Chitral or Gigit-Baltistan or elsewhere. This certainly is neither related to the issue at hand nor is helpful to deal with it rationally and ethically. I stand by what I wrote and I have no doubt in my mind that I spoke on behalf of and in the interest of the two kids without any inclination towards either side of the adult mess. I will urge you to take note when the dust settles and you have your calm restored read my comments again and I am sure your opinion will be different and positive. Anger and inflammatory language will help nobody. I pray for quick return of happiness to your family. --Dr. Mir Baiz Khan,Toronto, Canada 221 Nov 2011

Please note that further debate on this issue has been closed

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